Friday, July 03, 2015

I pondered and introspected - I think God put these events in motion to make me a better writer.

After quite some time, the blog is back up and running. I realized that in order to release the pent-up frustrations of various life misfortunes, I must write about them. Not writing about these hurtful thoughts and memories is like not releasing the steam while it builds, and I cannot bear the pain of the increasing pressure.

Every day of my life since the betrayals of 2007, I have thought of how to clean up the mess and fix the breakage in positive relations with "Jeanessa DeSpatznio" (neé "Ryndella.") I need her to know that I had a form of Autism - Asperger's Syndrome. She very likely never realized this, otherwise she wouldn't have betrayed me like she did.

All this, from a fear of her parents. I didn't understand why she and her parents pulled up right behind me in Sam's Club at the checkout counter while with my parents. Years later, I realize a possibility - that they had intended to give me a friendly greeting and catch up on life. I was more pessimistic back in those days.

When I thought it over, I realized that if they still held some resentment towards me due to my teenaged, Autistic immaturities from 2002, they'd have never gone up to me at the checkout counter of Sam's Club, on the afternoon of March 22, 2007. Why couldn't I think this over then? I was youthfully pessimistically naïve back then.

Somehow, assuming the worst became a part of my younger years, because the worst appeared to come more often than the best while in my childhood and adolescence.

I must work to improve and fix numerous lives in my careers and off-times. In my off-times, I hope to improve the lives of anyone I've wronged through my younger years' immaturities by making amends with them, all the way to the point that forgiveness (in some cases, exoneration) and reconciliation is reached. When signs manifest themselves that we're on good terms again, I know my work is done.

This is one (the first) of an indeterminate number of installments about the "Jeanessa DeSpatznio" story. I hope these entries will eventually provide all the insight, resources and social know-how needed to reconcile with "Jeanessa," her husband "Salco" and her little sister "Janine Ryndella."

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