MANY OF YOU ASKED NICELY, AND DEMANDED, THE LYRICS! You were on YouTube, FunnyOrDie, or a mirror site that hosted this video when you asked, "Where can I find the lyrics?"
I asked myself the same question, then realized Google wouldn't be forthcoming this morning. Therefore, I had to set a precedent, and transcribe it into text. Somebody had to do something first, and today, that was me.
I had to stop every 5 seconds in order to type each line, resume, stop, and repeat. That is how bloggers transcribe the lyrics that nobody else has up to that point. It's easy, but too much effort for the millions of you out there, so I decided to build "Karma Points" and do the Internet a service.
Now, the lyrics:
(Addendum: Revisions made; now the words are as accurate as can be.)
If the Sun didn't shine, the Mountains crumbled,
the stars fell from the skies,
I'm pretty sure that my thoughts would not,
Be regarding you and I,
When I look into your eyes,
Sometimes can see,
The reflection of me,
If I look really closely,
You see I'm not gonna walk a thousand miles,
to sleep out in the rain,
Because I have something called "dignity,"
Plus I'm not clinically insane!
If your life is a fairy tale,
You need Prince Charming to fix,
Well, here I am, girl, I'll say it to your face,
"What are you, six?"
Oh, whoa, yeah, honey baby, I love you, zippedy-doo!
You let me inside of your (\/4gin4) so I wrote this song for you.
But if you, think I'm a make an (455) of myself,
And profess what you mean to me,
You should probably take up a hobby,
'Cause you're watching way too much TV! Seriously!
Girl, your kinda fun, but I ain't gonna run,
Up to any rooftops to shout it,
But if you run out of gas,
I'll come get your (455) And I'll give you shit about it.
And I definitely won't be thinkin' of you,
Every minute of every day,
But I promise to hold your hair up,
When you're booting" too much cabernet hey-hey-hey!
Is the way you make me feel,
Except for when you chime in with commentary when I'm behind the wheel,
Keep your trap shut!
In the next 10 hours, should you need a shoulder to cry upon,
I'll be right there in the livin' room,
Watchin' the Death Wish marathon!
And I said, Oh, whoa, yeah, honey-baby, I love you, zippety-doo!
You gave me a (Humvee) in the car once,
So I wrote this song for you! (Oo-hoo!!)
But you're just a girl, and I'm just a guy,
We're no different than the rest!
Just as sure my heart,
Is an organ located in the left side of my chest.
Time will go by,
And I'll realize
That there's nobody better,
Or even if there was, it wouldn't require too much time,
And energy to go out and get her!
So, we'll get married, and you'll probably (Sith) out a couple kids of mine,
But if we treat this thing like a business venture,
I'm pretty sure we will be fine.
And I fight nature and not sleep around even though I know that lust is fleating
But, just so you know, I don't consider going to the Asian massage place, "cheating."
And I put up with all your bull (Sith) If you put up with mine right back,
At least a-you get Dementia,
Or I’ll have a heart attack.
So, the next time I make a love,
I might mutter something about your big Double-D's,
Then you might be like, "What is he talking about? I don't have Double-D's."
If you could just say, "This is the best tip I've ever gotten,"
And play along with me please,
Since I'm fantasizing about the waitress last night at Applebee's,
Holy Geez-us, that girl was hot,
Though I don't believe in Cupid.
But I'm willing to put up with your girlfriends,
Even though they're fairly stupid.
Asia is not a country,
Anyway, I bring you medicine when you're sick.
But sometimes I'm gonna say chauvinistic (Sith) to you, just to be a (trick). Go make a sandwich!
Oh, whoa, yeah, Honey-baby, I love you, zippety-doo!
You said you might be open to (Bu++ secs)
So I wrote this song for you.
And since our love is not gonna lift us up there to where the eagles fly,
I would rather you'd be,
Than set the bar too high, FYI.
I'm addicted to porn,
I'm totally addicted to porn, you should know.
I never get sick of the porn, I never, ever get sick of the porn,
Oh, oh, no...
Postlude & Credits
I filtered the swear words because I come from a religious background. I don't mind reading swear words elsewhere, but I feel it best for it not to be seen on my blog entries.
By the way, the song, "Realistic Love Song," was written, recorded, and directed by THE SSP. Visit them at