Monday, July 27, 2009

COMING OUT: Being socially "tested," and failing them with Asperger's Syndrome (Part VII) (Personal Entry)

Garrett Fine: "You FAILED the test!"

When we were riding back from a school sponsored trip to Unzen National Park in Japan, Shia, Steve, and Dan asked me an array of weird questions in the back of the bus. It was a bunch of uncomfortable sex questions, questions about private parts, my sex life, and so on.

At first, I resisted, saying "I think no one wants to hear anything like what you're asking," but they kept prodding so I eventually gave in and answered. They said I'd make a good comedian, and I felt doubt at that moment. I knew something had to be wrong.

Garrett was nearby so he was able to give some useful feedback. He said they thought I was funny in the "I -can't-believe-you-said-that" type of funny. He also pointed out that they were asking me these questions just to give me a test, and that I had FAILED the test.

I asked why they gave me a test in the first place and Garrett told me because they suspected something wasn't right about the way I was. In other words, I was socially on a different "wavelength" from the one shared by most of the GaiDai students who attended there that semester. Those three guys wanted to know how different my wavelength was so they gave me that test.

Now I remember similar tests given to me in high school (and possibly middle school.) I remember Cody Knutson, Brandon Wuthnow, and a few other wrestling teammates asking me a similar set of questions and I don't know how the immediate aftermath went but I was not in a better position after the fact than before. (Note: I have not found Cody and Brandon on Facebook.)

But from now on, if I'm asked a similar set of questions to what they were asked, I'll know I'm being tested and will simply refuse to answer, and keep trying to change the subject.

One girl just left me for another guy. I figured out why later.

One time in high school, Brittany Deese met me in "The City" teen hangout in Salina and decided to have a phone/email relationship. (This was a few years before Facebook, and a recent search did not turn up a Brittany Deese from Salina, KS.)

When one of her emails said she fell asleep at a Star Wars movie (Episode II), I had realized she may not be the right girl for me. But I kept going on because it would have been far too shallow of me to break up over how she liked Star Wars.

Eventually, she said over the phone that she has found another boyfriend, and that we can still be friends. I couldn't figure it out for a while. Then I realized that I don't seem to give off the right "charm" that other guys can give.

What guys have that girls like, that I lack

There is just much that is unexplainable here, but some that I can explain is that guys who have a common sense of humor date well with girls. They know how to make witty remarks, replies, and other clever ways to wiggle out of a tense situation. The ideal guy knows how to turn a high-strung event into a relaxed situation that we can even laugh about one minute after the fact. What college class will train me to do that in such an event??

Overall, even though guys should generally stay interesting to their partners, the right partner will always find me interesting. Whenever I finish college, I will embark on a vigorous journey to find me the right woman.

For children with Asperger's, life is easier today than when I was a child

At first, I did not want to marry a woman with Asperger's because I did not want my children to go through the same miseries I've gone through, but more people are becoming aware of the various forms of Autism. Also, there are now more and better programs, IEPs, and other therapies for children afflicted this way, than there was when I was a child.

Therefore, whether my future wife has Asperger's or not will no longer have any bearing on whether I want to marry and bear children with her, as life for children with Asperger's today is easier than when I was a child.

(To be continued on Part VIII)


  1. Yeah, a common sense of humour can be helpful.

    I read in the World Book encyclopaedia that 'one of the most important things for the disabled person is to put others at ease'.

  2. Breaking up over Star Wars could be a bit shallow but heck... SW II was the "romantic" one.

    It's normal for your partner to have different interests to you but on both sides of the fence, you have to share.

    My partner isn't aspie (We don't think so anyway) but both my sons are. So, marrying an NT doesn't necessarily reduce the risk of aspie children.

    Anyway - good blog, great story.