Wednesday, April 02, 2025

Do you know (of) others around your age who are mentally still like children, teens or college students? What are your interactions like with them? What is it like to be around such people?

 

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Do you know (of) others around your age who are mentally still like children, teens or college students? What are your interactions like with them? What is it like to be around such people?

Who do you know (of) who may be Gen X or older, who still have the mental state of a child, teen or college student?

Why hasn't their youth ever left their minds? How were they still able to hold onto their youths like that? And what are their outward appearances like?

 

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[–]50 somethingMotherofJackals 17 points  

Very good distinction to make

[–]Relatively olddizcuz 6 points  

I'd heard long ago "Once an adult but twice a child" in regards to care. Hopefully that time in between is becoming longer thanks to varying factors.

[–]pojohnny 3 points  

I’ve heard, childlike and childish.

[–]biff444444 2 points  

My question exactly. I know some people who have kept their youthful enthusiasm and curiosity, which is great. But I know others who are arrested development cases and need some sort of epiphany so as to join us in the adult world in terms of behavior, emotions, etc...

[–]50 somethingMotherofJackals 17 points  

This is what I was going to say. All my friends who kept on with drinking heavy and especially drug use still act exactly like they did at 14-15 yrs old. Instead of dating a new person they are on marriage 2,3,5 and instead of detention is jail or prison.

They are difficult to relate to now for me mostly because I get accused of being a snob because I think I'm better than them. They see owning a home, being at the same job for more than a year, and going to a family event in another state as bougie.

[–][deleted] 10 points  

There's a reason for the saying "Misery loves company."

I've been through the same thing with "friends" who are mentally stuck in their teens or 20s. In recent years, I've simply ended those friendships entirely, because I got tired of listening to self-imposed problems that were ALL traceable to their various continued addictions.

I ended those friendships because those "friends" kept trying to drag me down into the gutter where they live, drink, and sleep, but I'm not going there.

I can behave like I'm 15 all I want. I just don't try to convince others to do the same. I'd rather they NOT, or that they do it away from me.

[–]Leipopo_Stonnett 8 points  

As someone with a history of drug use, this is an eye opening observation. I didn’t start smoking weed until I was 23, and didn’t get into anything heavily until maybe 25. I’m 33 now and still seem to have the issues I had around the early twenties, and notice other people my age seem much more mature unless they also used drugs at a similar age, in which case they’re like me.

In your experience, does this recover in people who quit?

[–][deleted] 3 points  

It can, if you do the work to make it happen. I don't know that it ever completely goes away though, because it seems as if we've done something to our brains, starting to abuse stuff so early, so it seems to me (based on my own experience) that even after "doing the work," there are still times when abusers are immature.

But you KNOW now, so you can be aware of it, at least.

[–]60 somethingcraftasaurus 1 point  

Yes it does. I’ve seen people fully recover and continue their development. People still have issues because we’re human, but we don’t have to respond as though stuck in time.

[–]Extra_Intro_Version 6 points  

A former close friend from our neighborhood circle (US) just recently passed away in some hut in a 3rd world country without medical care. As harsh as it sounds, this was the culmination of a history of bad decisions going back to when we were teens nearly 50 years ago. He made a few half hearted attempts to get his shit together, but ultimately never really matured. For what it’s worth, he didn’t really have any role models to help him along the way.

I have other friends from back in those days that never really matured. I’ve kept them at arm’s length for most of my adult life. I didn’t want my kids (or wife, for that matter) around their drama.

[–][deleted] 5 points  

That's really sad to read.

I've mostly been a "situational" drinker who was just partying along with whatever friends were around me at the time. I can take or leave alcohol, though. Months and months go by and I don't have anything alcoholic to drink because it just doesn't occur to me.

I have stories about former friends too, people who've done the same types of things and just continue to do them AND want me to "party" too -- usually because they want me to pay for whatever, because they've already pissed away everything they had plus more.

Those people are toxic and, yes, it's best to stay far away from them.

Little more, belatedly:

I have one friend who had all the role models a person could ever want. Successful working class parents who provided very well for four children. Close aunt who was a medical doctor. Lived in a well-to-do section of a large city and attended (and graduated from) highly regarded public schools.

My friend (actually, former friend now because she bores me with her nonsense) is the eldest and hasn't amounted to shit. She COULD have, she used to have a brilliant mind, but she chose to dig her heels in and be a militant drunk.

Meanwhile, her two younger brothers are both doctors, and her younger sister has worked at "the phone company" (was Ohio Bell, now it's AT&T) for probably 30 years.

The role models were there, but this particular person has two paintings on her wall, wherever she lives, at all times. The subjects are these two people:

Janis Joplin
Jim Morrison

That explains a lot to me.

[–]Mawdster 6 points  

That is very interesting, and I think I agree. Both my sister and my husband think they are still in their early 20's and yes both started drinking heavily at that time

[–]Master_Attitude_3033 3 points  

I first smoked pot at age 60! (When a certain someone got elected)…

[–][deleted] 8 points  

You'll be 60 forever, then.

Which isn't a bad age to be.

[–]vikingvol 3 points  

I've noticed a similar phenomenon with some of my friends and family members who have children extremely young like 15 and 16 yr olds they seem to have some sort of arrested development thing. I have seen some of them mature past it but interstingly only after they have another kid at an older age.

Even my mom was this way her behaviours got stuck at 16 as that was when she had me and she stayed in that mindset until she had my sister at 36 from there on she seemed to mature pretty much at pace of her peers. My cousin on the other hand had her two back to back at 15 and 16 now she is a 51 yr old with the emotional and behaviours of a 15 yr old.

[–][deleted] 2 points  

Were, or are, any of those people abusing substances?

Plus, 16 is pretty young to be giving birth. I'm not saying your mom shouldn't have, just that 16-year-olds' brains are still developing. They should be worried about passing their drivers test and maybe about what to wear to the school dance.

My mom was 20 when she had me, but in 1958 that was a normal age to be starting a family. She was pregnant with me, then married my dad (they "ran away" from Ohio to Jellico, Tennessee and got married "by a Justice of the Peace with two broken legs" (both legs were in casts), don't ask me why they did that but it's a great story).

Funny thing about my mom: She never really drank a lot until she was in her 40s, after she and my dad split up (after 20 years of marriage). Mom was always mature -- except when she was in her 40s and got drunk!

Anyway, I didn't come up with the theory about getting stuck at whatever age one starts abusing/overusing substances. A therapist who wasn't particularly good but had a shining moment here and there told me that. (It was one of her shining moments.) I'm sure she didn't figure it out herself either, but she passed it on to me and it holds true.

[–]vikingvol 2 points  

Interesting, My mom sunk into alcoholism after my parents divorced but outside of cigarettes had no addiction issues until then. She was about 30 at that point she drank hard and heavy (went to rehab and came out drinking again) then quit when she discovered she was pregnant with my sister at 35-36 and has had no issues with it since. My cousin developed drug and alcohol issues after having her 2 and is a raging alcoholic now so that tracks. Tbh most of my female cousins had kids by 18 yrs old and most of them display some amount of the arrested development issues even those with no known drug addiction. I just always found it interesting.

[–][deleted] 1 point  

Alcohol is, for too many people, a form of self-medication.

What most don't seem to realize is that they're usually trying to cure depression but alcohol is a depressive, so they might giggle for an hour but then "shit gets dark."

My mom was drinking away depression but also trying to fix the other things that were ailing her, or maybe she was just trying to pass out so she could sleep the pain away.

All I know is it got worse over the years and Mom died at 64. The booze didn't kill her -- it was an aneurysm, something that's very common on her side of the family (so I get checked regularly to see if any have developed in me) -- but the drinking for sure weakened her body even more.

There was an operation involved (we have "slow aneurysms") and Mom just didn't make it out of the hospital. She'd retired 6 weeks before the operation, and she died 6 weeks later.

I don't know that Mom would have survived had she not been drinking more than any of us realized until we cleaned out her house and found certain evidence (too many airline-sized bottles of Tequila Rose that came attached to fifths of crap vodka), but I have a feeling she'd have had a better chance of survival without the stupid vodka.

I HATE vodka. I hate everything about it, mostly because it's always "the last resort" of the truly alcoholic. Their stomachs can't handle anything stronger anymore, and they think no one else can smell it on their breath.

But yeah, we can smell it. From their breath and every stinking pore on their bodies.

[–]vikingvol 2 points  

Wow. Yeah my Mom had an aneurysm 7 yrs ago. She miraculously survived against all odds with no neuro deficit. She has been sober many years but she also took so bad blows to the head both in accidents wrecking cars drunk and domesticate violence with my dad. They both self-medicated they couldn't see it but I've known it for a long long time. I avoid alcohol for the most part because of my experience with alcoholics.

Edit: My sister and I both have to get checked regularly now. Mom has a smaller aneurysm in her head but they are just watching it because it is small.

[–][deleted] 1 point  

Yes, GET CHECKED. We don't know how or why, or even where, these aneurysms develop.

We usually hear about the ones in people's brains that go "POP!" and that's a quick end, but it doesn't seem as if people talk much about aneurysms in other places in our bodies.

We have almost no cancer in our family, on either side. If something's going to get us, it's gonna be our veins.

I have two first cousins (sisters) and an aunt, all on my mom's side, who have aneurysms that are being monitored. One of those cousins has been life-flighted to a major hospital already, but she's a stubborn old bird who might outlive me even though she's 11 years my senior.

All we can do is get the checkups we can get, and pay attention to our own bodies. If something feels REALLY "off," that's because it is.

[–]vikingvol 2 points  

On a side note my middle name is Renee. LoL

[–]60 somethingcraftasaurus 1 point  

That’s interesting, I wonder if the trauma of having kids early did that. But at that age your brain isn’t developed yet. Hmm food for thought.

[–]60 somethingcraftasaurus 1 point  

When you stop all that nonsense you begin developing again.

[–][deleted] 1 point  

Maybe YOU do. I've seen lots of people who haven't done that, myself included to be honest.

I had a good friend for 30 years who's 64 and she behaves as if she's in about fourth grade whenever she's not working at her job -- and sometimes even then, but thankfully she works remotely. She does that because she can't get along with other people.

She's a brilliant person, well-read, does computer programming for a big health insurance company and makes the money that goes with it, but she makes terrible financial decisions constantly and is always one paycheck from losing her house, which she doesn't take care of, so it's starting to fall apart.

Her house is filled with Beanie Babies and Legos, and at least three dogs of various sizes at all times (and the hair and pee that come with them). Nothing wrong with that (except for the pee, which is soaking into the once-gorgeous hardwood floors), but she's a total brat -- and she knows it, knows why, admits it -- and that's why I ended the friendship last year.

Not long before it all ended, I asked her, "Hey, how old were you when you started drinking?"

"Nine."

She hasn't had a drink in TWENTY YEARS now, but nothing about her behavior has ever changed (except to perhaps worsen). Remember, I've known her for 30 years.

It tracks. There will be exceptions, and some people will mend. Most don't seem to do that, though.

I haven't.

[–]60 somethingcraftasaurus 2 points  

It is possible that the brain damage done from the alcohol abuse can manifest as different mental disorders. It certainly sounds as if she has something diagnosable. She might benefit from therapy if she's interested in being more functional. The thing is, most of the people I know that this would apply to are not interested in changing. They're satisfied with where they're at I guess.

Another possibility is that they're self medicating in other ways - like using CBD or smoking pot, or some other kind of substance use. Nothing wrong with it, if that's what one wants to do, but it can interfere with our development.

And then the other wrinkle is that in our senior years, we can devolve as well. I suspect it might be from brain shrinkage? idk but I have seen a lot too. I suspect it isn't just from one cause; that it's more complicated than that.

[–][deleted] 1 point  

It's all of the above, or a combination of some of those things, I think.

The Lego friend makes fun of another friend (the "militant drunk" whom I mentioned in another comment; they were friends before they met me) for having "wet brain."

I think they both have wet brain.

Lego uses marijuana gummies now. Militant Drunk just wants to drink, but the state of Texas said no, you can't drink for ten years. EVERY time we talked on the phone, she'd mention wanting to drink. Almost every email from her mentioned it. I told her to stop talking about it to me, and she got pissed off at me for that.

I think Militant Drunk's "time out" from drinking expired last November. I have zero doubt she'll get DUI #4 within a year and spend the rest of her life in prison, where she already spent a year over this mess.

And yeah, on top of whatever else, we're all in our 60s now.

I had to end those friendships because no, they have no intention of changing but I DO.

I may always act like I'm 15 sometimes. I struggle with Intermittent Explosive Disorder (which I guess is better than some other explosive problem, LOL), because I have stupidly high expectations for myself and other people. Sometimes, things build up and I lash out like ... a 15-year-old.

At least I know WHY, and I'm willing to change, and I WANT to change.

Others don't, and they can make love to Jack Daniel (whiskey) or Tito (vodka) all they want -- far away from me.

Speaking of vodka, some people like it but mostly it's the last resort for alcoholics. If you know someone who was drinking everything else but now they drink only vodka, check their eyes because the whites are probably yellow, because their liver is on its way out.

Lego used to tell us all, in her proud days of drinking: "When I die, I want my liver to be used as a doorstop."

Funny. And really not funny at all.

[–]60 somethingcraftasaurus 2 points  

Very sad. Good for you that you are not like that. I wouldn't want to be around them either.

Speaking of anger, I just read a book called "Wish" by Barbara O'Connor that's meant for kids. Boy did I ever identify with her! She has some anger issues but it has a happy ending. It gave me a warm feeling by the time it ends. Maybe you'd like it too.

[–][deleted] 2 points  

I'll look for that book. Thanks!

I'll read it for myself and then donate it to our Library at the community center where I volunteer a few nights (and some other hours) each week.

As for me, I went through my days of drinking and being a jerk, but I grew up with an alcoholic dad (until I left home at 18) and I didn't want to become THAT -- although to be fair, Dad did get sober a few years into his third (and final) marriage, and he returned to being the daddy I knew as a little girl, before he drank too much.

Dad was another one who acted like a teenager for far too long, or maybe he behaved as he did as a young Army troop in Germany in the early 1950s. He was just really immature sometimes, and his drinking made him violent and eventually took him to the point of messing up at work. The dude is a local legend as far as tool and die makers are concerned, but he nearly pissed it all away over booze.

I'm just really lucky in that I've tried a lot of things but never seemed to develop an addiction to anything but nicotine, and I didn't even seriously take up smoking cigarettes until right around the 2016 election. I sniffed nasal snuff for years before that (now my nose is itching at the thought), and now I vape too much, but I gotta do SOMETHING "bad" or I wouldn't be me. LOL ...

I also use medical marijuana products, but I actually use them medicinally to alleviate flying-off-a-motorcycle pain from ten years ago. (I was driving the bike, no passenger, but a car and I "met" at an uncontrolled intersection.) There's a buzz, sure, and it's useful because I get a LOT of stuff done after eating a gummy, but I don't want to be blasted out of my gourd.

Moderation is the key to just about everything. "Live to ride another day." 🏍️

[–]60 somethingcraftasaurus 2 points  

Life is a journey, and it sounds like yours has been a great ride 🏍️ take care!

[–][deleted] 2 points  

It is, mine is, and you too!

[–]Necessary_Device452 1 point  

Yes, the disease of addiction can arrest emotional cognitive development.

[–]vikingvol 2 points  

I tell people I was 30 yrs old at birth and I am still 30 yrs old at 50+ LOL tbf my childhood all the way to 25 was full of responsibility and trauma my life since has been hella better.

[–]katmc68 5 points  

Sounds like BPD or bi-polar.

[–]OrdinarySubstance491 4 points  

She has bipolar and ADHD. She's medicated. This is what she's like on medication.

[–]katmc68 1 point  

Ugh. Rough.

[–]60 somethingpreaching-to-pervert 4 points  

Or even just untreated ADHD and no therapy.

[–]nycvhrs 8 points  

I almost married a “Peter Pan”, so glad I dodged that bullet.

[–]60 somethingcraftasaurus 2 points  

😂

[–]ninmena 10 points  

I was in a high corporate position at a pretty young age. I was always making people laugh until I realized people were just laughing because I was the boss. It was a huge eye opener, I don't know what or how it clicked but my personality changed over night lol. I'm in my 30s and happy to have figured that out young. I wasn't inappropriate, just stupid. I may be on the spectrum tbh. You don't see it until you do and then you're like "oh shit, I'm an idiot"

[–]Defiant_Network_3069 3 points  

ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME 😆

[–]No-Cover-6788 7 points  

To be fair these people that you work with are actively detoxing from severe substance use and are likely at what may be the worst point in their lives before entering treatment. I am sure their emotional dysregulation is very annoying to be around but it is also a symptom of detox rather than necessarily some failure of character or maturity. Also consider that while in an inpatient treatment setting people typically have greatly reduced freedoms which may lead people to be frustrated and because they are detoxing they may not respond in the most socially appropriate way.

If these clients are 18 months clean and still having breakdowns about what sweater to wear (the breakdown is probably not actually about the sweater anyway but you probably already know that) then yeah okay there is probably some kind of issue going on but it is probably a psychiatric one rather than a "you failed to grow up, you immature, queen-baby-acting, character-defected individual, you." Then again maybe they are indeed a bunch of stunted and ridiculous human beings, I don't know.

Anyway I am sure it is not easy to be around a bunch of detoxing people for your job, so thanks for all you do to care for them. Hopefully you get to see some success stories of people who make it, also, and it is inspiring and hopeful to see the difference you make.

[–]50 somethingmom_with_an_attitude 6 points  

Hard disagree. Yes, they feel terrible because they are detoxing. But even when the worst of the withdrawal is over and they are medically stable, they can still be highly unpleasant. Substance use disorder goes hand in hand with undiagnosed and untreated mental illness. Many of these women have histories of abuse, neglect and trauma; and many have axis 2 personality disorders. They are immature, have poor coping mechanisms, are manipulative, lie to get what they want, wheedle and whine, have gang wars and pick fights with each other, etc. They have no idea how to behave because no one ever showed them how. They live in adult bodies but behave like children.

Regardless, I treat them with kindness and respect and keep them medically safe.

[–]popejohnsmith 2 points  

Um. Dancing joyfully at a Depeche Mode concert and voting for MAGA? The disconnect is astonishing.

[–]nycvhrs 2 points  

That’s my SO. He is not open to new music, foods, or people (unless he’s paying them, ie handyman-type stuff) I don’t blame him, he’s the product of quite old parents, and thinks like he’s Depression-Era too. I just go do my own things, and he understands we’re very different that way…

[–]Boomer, doing OKanonyngineer 2 points  

I used to not listen to anything from after the early 1990s; it was my wife and her friends who had a band who got me into 1980s new wave.

Within the past few months, I've suddenly gotten turned off by music from the 1970s. I don't know what I want to listen to yet, but have had enough Led Zeppelin.

[–]Relatively olddizcuz 1 point  

I blame social media for some of it. I know a few who weren't the most popular during their teen years for whatever reasons, one perhaps being some late bloomers. They were okay and had been going on with their lives. But then social media took off and some are now attempting to relive their younger years using it.

[–]AuroraDF 1 point  

Yes, and it's extremely annoying.

[–]40 somethingOnyx_Lat 1 point  

I'm almost 50 now, but I like to think I still have youthful inquisitiveness and irreverence. I still laugh when I fart sometimes. Hell my mom does too and she's almost 70. I just don't want to be the kind of old person I hated when I was a kid. I want to play video games and tell dirty jokes.

But I also know how to be serious when it's merited, and there's a lot of things I'm cynical about. I mean, how can you be GenX and NOT be cynical? It's a weird contradiction in terms. I can know that everything's going to shit, but at the same time have hope that it'll get better someday. And I firmly believe that if all of us tried to make just one person's life a little bit better every day, the world would be a lot better place.

[–]Pickle_12 1 point  

The schmuck who calls himself the President

[–]CaleyB75 1 point  

I know people older than me who are basically children. I try to avoid them.

Some of the childishness is evident in their mimicry of Trump (I live in suburban Massachusetts, where many people have transferred their faith in God and religion into faith in and mimicry of Trump). The mimicry of Trump consists in false bragging, or outright quoting of Trump's stupidities.

I have a neighbor in his 70s whose entire persona was based in hatred of Russia and communism until Trump was elected president. If I criticized a policy of Reagan or Bush in the 80s and 90s, he'd say, "You should move to Russia."

Today, he sees me in the yard and stumbles over to announce: "I like Putin and I think he likes me."

[–]nycvhrs 2 points  

More to be pitied than scorned…

[–]CaleyB75 1 point  

His wife, who should never have allowed him near her, sometimes comes over to convey her sorrows. She had purchased every penny of their house. She recently learned that he had put over a dozen mortgages on the house without her knowledge.

The guy also likes to boast that he battled the South Koreans in his Army days. He was never in the Army, and th South Koreans were and are (and hopefully will remain) our allies.

[–]40 somethingpanic_bread 1 point  

This is a weird question. Unless someone is mentally handicapped, no old person still has the mental state of a child or teenager. Are you talking about those people who peaked in high school or college and are now stuck in that same mindset? Or are you talking about people who have maintained their free spirit and still engage in adventure and creativity? Or are you talking about someone who has failed to mature because they are stuck in a cycle of addiction and/or irresponsibility?

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