BIG YES BOMB!!!!!

hippoluvr24 · 2025-03-12T01:12:34+00:00

The para was likely just doing her job that she was assigned to do per your IEP. There are probably ways that she could have made herself more inconspicuous, but at the end of the day, it's always going to be obvious to the other students that a para is following one specific student around. (Whether it was necessary or appropriate is a matter for the IEP team to consider.)

Where I have taught, paras are making barely above minimum wage and they are not trained teachers. While they do care about the students, most of them just do what they're told. The ones who try to go above and beyond tend to burn out quickly. It's a stressful and thankless job.

Sylvss1011 · 2025-03-12T02:24:38+00:00

As an autistic person myself, I say this with understanding, but good lord that is the most autistic spiel I’ve ever heard 😅 that’s not the way popular works. It’s not a goal you can tick all the boxes and achieve. I tried that as well around 7th grade. I was pretty, a made cheerleader, I said the right things, tried to unfriend my friends who were now “lame” and tried assimilating with the “popular” people. I was at a private school and didn’t even know I had autism at the time and people could still tell. Idk man, as an autistic person, there’s just a vibe the normies can sense that just puts them off, especially when you’re trying. Popular people are popular basically because they’re neurotypical. Socializing is effortless and successful, so they have a lot of friends and people that like them. Part of the diagnostic criteria for autism is issues with socialization. You can try, but you can’t really fully cover that up. That’s kinda in the job description, you know?

My advice, drop that goal, don’t get ISS on purpose, try and learn things and find meaningful friends you can be yourself around. Also the whole “enemies” thing is a very autistic, black and white thinking thing. Most neurotypicals dont think that way. People are probably gonna bully you whether you’re trying to act normal or not, so might as well just find a way to deal with it for a couple more years until you can leave the stupid fake world of highschool and enter into the normal real world where enemies and bullies aren’t a normal problem

dysteach-MT · 2025-03-12T00:57:03+00:00

I had a student with a seizure disorder and pretty severe autism. He went to a private school where both of his parents taught. He was included in regular classes to some extent, but did all his academics with me. He was included in all of the sports activities. He went to a public school for high school, and by the end of his freshman year, he was super popular. His SPED teachers had him go to regular ed PE since no one in his self contained class was at his sports level. Students began playing basketball with him. Then they would pick him up (and his sister) to go to basketball games. The entire class treated him like an equal, but knew they had to take care of him, too. Like the perfect example of empathy vs sympathy. He went to prom, graduated, and went into a guided work program. He still gets texts from his HS classmates.

mrvladimir · 2025-03-12T01:43:20+00:00

I wasn't a 1 to 1 para, but I was a general classroom para before I moved to a teacher position.

Truth is, 1 to 1s are hard to get approved, and you likely needed it whether you liked it or not. Even as a general class para, there would inevitably be a few students who I would sit with because they needed the most support.

From the POV of a former autistic student, who excelled in academics but had few social skills, I was decently well liked. I didn't do sports, but I found my niche and friends through other interests, like band and art and quiz bowl.

Having "enemies" isn't really worth your time. Don't react, don't engage, and just look for your people more than anything. It gets easier as you move into high school, college, and the real world. Some of the traditionally popular kids from my school did well in life, and some of them did terribly. It's not a measure worth focusing on.

Oops_A_Fireball · 2025-03-12T02:14:54+00:00

I have taught two: a darling boy with ulcerative colitis resulting in having his bowels removed and an ostomy bag. Kid was the literal prom king, and it could not have happened to a better guy. The other is on the spectrum, talks about it in the most hilarious way, and is friends with the whole entire school. I mean they love the shit out of him. I do too ❤️

myotherplates · 2025-03-12T17:02:53+00:00

I don't mean to be rude, but it sounds like you didn't appreciate a person whose sole job was to help you succeed. I know it's common for gen ed students to ostracize special ed students, but did you have to sabotage your para and education to find belonging? Getting yourself in school suspension by acting up deliberately must have really frustrated her. I know it would have frustrated me.

Zappagrrl02 · 2025-03-12T02:08:30+00:00

Popularity is overrated. It’s better to be liked and accepted for who you are rather than chase fleeting attention.

lindasek · 2025-03-12T04:56:40+00:00

As far as popularity, yes. These were typically students with some mild ADHD and specific learning disabilities. Once, I had a popular kid with mild Autism: he played nearly all the sports and was good at them, too. I'm pretty sure he got us into state in basketball.

As far as your experience with a parapro: she was doing her job as instructed by your case provider and your IEP team. If it was too much, you should have had your parents involved to decrease some of the services. The suspensions wouldn't fly these days (not sure how long ago it was for you) since you were using them as class avoidance, a half decent FBA would have sniffed it out.

I'm glad things are better for you!

solomons-mom · 2025-03-12T09:33:11+00:00

How long ago was this?

Also, you have made 51 posts in the last 7 days and have been on reddit for ten years. Have you been posting at this frequency for the whole decade?

p0tat0p0tat0 · 2025-03-12T13:19:39+00:00

The para has a job to do that has nothing to do with her student being popular.

She wasn’t your servant, she didn’t take orders from you.

Admirable-Ad7152 · 2025-03-12T13:49:23+00:00

I can't say much for the Para outside of she was just doing her job and I promise, she was barely being paid for it.

For the next part. Hot Wheelz was a SpEd student in my high school who had a wheel chair. He came up with the nickname before I knew him and if I recall correctly, still uses it on social media. Everyone at school knew him and thought he was rad as hell. He was not a jock but he also wasn't a trouble kid either. He was just who he was and happened to be really fun to be around. Although I will also add my high school was a public school and we kinda didn't have "cliques" like I've seen on tv. Like sure we had clubs and friend groups but a lot of the smart 'nerds' were in extra curriculars, either sports or the arts, so everyone was used to intermingling and a lot of our SpEd students were mixed into the general population if they weren't on self contained IEPs.

Unfortunately, the biggest advice is to stop caring and find your own people, whether that ends up being the popular kids or not. The popular kids don't grow up and continue to be popular, they just become regular adults and if you have nothing in common, you'll likely drift apart soon after. I wasn't a "popular kid" but I still have a few friends from high school and college that I keep up with regularly, one is still my best friend from over a decade ago now. So focus on just finding people who like what you enjoy.

Edit: i saw in a comment you are actually currently an adult and I gotta say, you really need to let go of school by now. Do you have any friends today? Isn't that what matters more?

TheKingsPeace · 2025-03-12T01:49:04+00:00

A well liked one and respected one maybe. One who is the life of the party and who everyone wants to be around? Typicslly not but maybe exceptions

Apprehensive_Pie4771 · 2025-03-12T02:58:29+00:00

My son is 100% mute at school, and he still manages to have a ton of friends. Everyone is kind, and he doesn’t have any trouble with bullies. When he kicked a PK during a soccer match and made it, his whole team fell out for him. Even the parents cheered so big. SN people are very well loved!

Quo_Usque · 2025-03-12T07:14:06+00:00

A lot of adults forget how keen social embarrassment is to teenagers, and how little it takes for kids to feel embarrassed. When you grow up, you generally learn that things like having a helper or being disabled aren't embarrassing, and your peers also grow up and learn not to treat you as lesser because of it. So we can forget how hard it is for young teens to be visibly different.

Regardless, she had a job to do, and she couldn't just not do it.

As to whether there are popular SPED kids- yes. Although, it's not really important to have everyone at school know you and like you, it's important to have a solid group of friends. And a lot of sped kids have a solid group of friends, especially if they can find something that attracts people like them. E.G., if you join a club you like, you are more likely to meet people you will be able to befriend, because they'll share the same interest as you.

The biggest barrier most of our kids face, I think, is social skills. Either they struggle to behave appropriately, or they struggle as their peers mature faster than they do.

KSknitter · 2025-03-12T13:07:51+00:00

So, I was a 1 on 1 para for a while, and the IEP stated that they needed the support. I also could be written up by teachers if I didn't do my job the way the teacher said to do it. If that meant sitting right next to a kid, I sat next to a kid. If that meant working in a different classroom with kid in isolation, I worked with that kid in isolation, if that meant pretending that I was just an aid and leading a small group, I lead a small group.

Your para likely had the same rules set on them. If you cheated on a test, then, yea, teacher was going to use whatever resources to stop that.

alittledalek · 2025-03-12T16:39:39+00:00

The kids knew that the para was there for you because of your behaviors and because they were always in the room with YOU. They knew why paras were in certain classes because they’ve surely been clustered with special education students before. They asked because middle schoolers of all kind lack tact, but also to see if you would be honest about it. The para didn’t avoid you because it was her job to assist you— specifically because your behavior had to have been such a massive disruption to both your learning and the learning of others in the time leading to this experiment of yours that the IEP team deemed a 1-1 necessary. Children know and are bothered when other children are disruptive to their learning environments. School staff do their best to mitigate the disruption to those students while also supporting the one with behavioral issues, but the ones subjected to the disruption DO remember. Even in elementary school, the other kids have feelings about being grouped with disruptive classmates.

Your plan was never going to work because all those kids knew your history. Then you perpetuated it by doing enough to get yourself regularly suspended. Your biggest mistake here was really in assuming those people weren’t smart enough to figure out what was going on. Did you assume they were all dumb?

I am neurodivergent myself, and it took me a while to recognize that the other people in my life are affected and will remember if I am insensitive or unkind. And they’re allowed to remember that and to protect themselves from future harm by not being my friend. Instead of trying to trick all of those same people into being my friend, I worked on myself and my attitude and started fresh with other groups and again when I went to college. I am a much better friend now.

I have seen many popular special education students, and the amount of support they got from a paraprofessional academically had little effect on them socially. What does have an effect on a student socially is how disruptive they are to the learning environment and how they treat other children.

Friendly_Coconut · 2025-03-12T13:56:43+00:00

Special Ed kids are more likely to be popular if;

(1. They are really good at sports or really funny. Sometimes if they’re really good at something else, like if they appear on America’s Got Talent, the whole school will support them.

(2. They have cognitive disabilities but are seen as adorable, sweet, and friendly. A boy with Down Syndrome used to do the weather segments on our school news and everyone loved him, though in a slightly patronizing way like he was a mascot.

(3. They have a tragic story behind their disability but were already popular before. One football player had terminal brain cancer and everyone loved and included him.

The kids who are least likely to become popular are those who have uncontrollable anger and behavioral issues. Kids are scared of them. But nice but “weird” seeming kids can be well-liked if they contribute something positive to the school ecosystem.

Quo_Usque · 2025-03-12T07:13:55+00:00

A lot of adults forget how keen social embarrassment is to teenagers, and how little it takes for kids to feel embarrassed. When you grow up, you generally learn that things like having a helper or being disabled aren't embarrassing, and your peers also grow up and learn not to treat you as lesser because of it. So we can forget how hard it is for young teens to be visibly different.

Regardless, she had a job to do, and she couldn't just not do it.

As to whether there are popular SPED kids- yes. Although, it's not really important to have everyone at school know you and like you, it's important to have a solid group of friends. And a lot of sped kids have a solid group of friends, especially if they can find something that attracts people like them. E.G., if you join a club you like, you are more likely to meet people you will be able to befriend, because they'll share the same interest as you.

The biggest barrier most of our kids face, I think, is social skills. Either they struggle to behave appropriately, or they struggle as their peers mature faster than they do.

sarahw13 · 2025-03-12T12:59:57+00:00

It depends a lot on the school and community, and kids now might be more accepting than when you were in school, but yeah I’d say I’ve seen it, at least by middle school/high school standards of popularity. Teaching middle school, I had a student that used a wheelchair and needed academic support, and so many of the girls had a crush on him, but it was more obvious to me as an adult than it was to him. Of course, the girl he liked didn’t like him back, but that’s just how middle school crushes are. With social and behavioral aspects, I think it depends a lot on how other students are affected. I’ve seen students who can get explosive with adults maintain good friendships with peers because there isn’t the level of demand that comes from authority figures. But if a student is constantly disruptive or lashes out at other kids, it’ll be hard for them to make friends.

My two best friends from high school are both autistic, and while one friend did have some people that thought of him as a project or were nice to him because they felt bad, once they got to know him most of those friendships became genuine. One of our mutual friends that was more popular has an older brother who is autistic, so he knew that he would have to be direct when giving advice about social cues, so that probably helped a lot. I don’t think any of us would have considered ourselves or each other popular at the time, but realized it more once we graduated.

I’m sure some of it has to do with the times changing, but honestly it’s probably more because of the “epic behavioral problems” you mentioned. If kids were worried that you’d get them in trouble too, or that you could be dangerous during a meltdown, then they probably wouldn’t be as understanding. Unless you went to such a small school that you were the only one that needed services, it’s unlikely she was there just to help you academically, so I’m guessing that the school felt you needed more behavioral support. And then deciding it would be better to go to ISS? Being the kid that was always suspended didn’t help your reputation.

It’s natural to feel embarrassed about being or seeming different, but if you tried to be friends with people without worrying about what they thought of the para being there, you might have had a different outcome. Unless she was some awful sadist that didn’t want you to have any friends (which is unlikely), it sounds like your own insecurity and attitude about the situation was more of a barrier than she was. If you didn’t complain about her she might have even tried to help you out or give you more space.

I hope as life went on you were able to form some good friendships, because that’s way more significant than being well-liked on a surface level.

econhistoryrules · 2025-03-12T16:36:24+00:00

My brother who has cerebral palsy was an absolute chick magnet in high school. Lol.

history-deleted · 2025-03-12T16:46:16+00:00

Love the advice and feedback others are giving. As an autistic EA myself, there's a tough balance. Having friends and peers that appreciate you is way more important (and in the end better) than being popular.

From the EA side: she was definitely probably just trying to do her job. However, you acting out specifically so that you could get ISS is not helping your case. By you acting out, you are proving to the admin that you do need 1:1 support. As an EA with disabilities, I can see the frustration of having anything that makes you outwardly 'different', especially in middle school. Having an EA is also a social limiting factor, as it can make you appear completely unapproachable.

To manage the issues with the EA being ever-present, you need to approach it from two directions. First: control yourself. The more you show you can't control yourself and the more you send yourself to ISS, the more you are also showing that you need 1:1. Second: talk to your parents. Keep calm and lay out your truths. State your feelings without being overly emotional in your expression. Tell them what you want. Tell them you want to have a chance at social connection. Tell them what you'd like to see change about your support. Ask if you can have an adjustment added to your IEP, to provide the space you want from your EA to be able to socialize.

For the desire to be socially connected, super important and also a challenge. Popular folks aren't as happy as they appear and even in the popular circles, they're getting bullied (sometimes even worse than outside the popular circles). Work instead on finding your people. Find the folks who have similar interests to you, the ones you could spend hours talking to about 'nothing'. These are the people who will keep you sane when the bullies rear their heads. These are the people who will help you socially grow during these next few years.

kerfuffle_fwump · 2025-03-13T13:29:41+00:00

Yes.

At my HS, everyone loved “Louie”. Louie was the DS kid that hung out with the kids who loved break dancing. He was also super nice. Louie got pretty good at dancing and would often dance in the halls, waiting for the bus, and sometimes in the cafeteria. He had what the kids today call “rizz”. I don’t know anyone who didn’t like the guy, and he was often invited to parties.

DogsOnMyCouches · 2025-03-13T19:54:01+00:00

My 2 kids who were most obviously on the spectrum in school both had solid friendships. Some of them they are still friends with a decade later. They didn’t have paras with them in high school, but it wouldn’t have mattered. The other kids appreciated their decent manners, consideration and care for others, and VERY dry wit.

neverthelessidissent · 2025-03-12T03:08:51+00:00

The kids were asking about her because they figured it out. You had some of the same classmates as 6th grade, and you didn't just get a clean skate

Snoo-88741 · 2025-03-12T08:58:36+00:00

It's not the para holding you back from popularity, it's the autism. When I've seen popular disabled kids they're usually socially skilled people with physical disabilities, and often they have a para (to help with physical tasks they can't do) and it doesn't matter to their peers. But it's extremely rare for an autistic kid to be popular - and again, this is regardless of whether or not they have a para. People can tell you're weird regardless.

Jagg811 · 2025-03-12T15:42:32+00:00

I am a retired special education high school, teacher, and many years ago one of my LD students was elected student body president. He was funny and quirky, a real individual. He was very outgoing and friendly, well liked and popular.

davosknuckles · 2025-03-12T18:51:11+00:00

I’m sorry for anyone sort of shaming you for wondering about this in your 30s. It’s a perfectly normal think to ponder and part of the neurodivergent mind is hyperfixating on whatever pops in your mind. I understand the question and why you are asking it. Don’t let other people make you feel bad simply for being curious and exploring your memories and experiences.

kikicutthroat990 · 2025-03-13T13:55:17+00:00

Take this with a grain of salt as he’s 4 and in prek3 but according to my sons teachers and para he’s the most popular child in class and he’s autistic 🤷🏽‍♀️ he’s friends with everyone and talks to all the kids he comes across granted before he started school he didn’t want anything to do with other kids so this is massive improvement.

SquirrelofLIL · 2025-03-13T14:08:31+00:00

At least you get to go to a normal school, I had a full segregation order and wasn't allowed to mix with normal kids at all.

au_mom · 2025-03-14T17:12:23+00:00

Yes, my brother. The cheerleaders used to come pick him up to hang out and he went to Cancun for spring break his senior year with the football team. He was in self-contained but liked to play football. After graduation, the coaches would let him help out until the district put in all these rules and said he couldn't any longer.

Late_Being_7730 · 2025-03-14T17:47:44+00:00

My brother was the king of our high school to the point that when I met new people, I’d hear “oh, right, you’re X’s sister.”

It was a 3A-4A school. It wasn’t small.

We moved halfway across the country and I started college. Randomly, walking across the campus, I hear “Aren’t you X’s sister?”

Yes, yes I am. I was also in your confirmation class and youth group for like 4 years…

My brother is 4 foot 8, legally blind, mentally around 7. Yes, there’s such a thing as a popular special ed kid

ButtonholePhotophile · 2025-03-19T00:07:45+00:00

I work so hard to not embarrass or call out students. However, if they aren’t “playing ball” then my allegiance is to doing my job and following the law (like the IEP). You cheated. You were caught. You got consequences.

Other kids don’t care about your paradactyl (like a helicopter mom combined with a para). They care if you are stable, predictable, and kind.

Top_Policy_9037 · 2025-03-12T22:45:44+00:00

I assume your para was used to more severely impacted kids who were less interested in "trying to fit in" if she didn't realize that a 7th grader trying to socialize with peers would want their space.

BasicSuccotash7770 · 2025-03-13T05:45:06+00:00

Yup he was prom king this year at our hs

LoganWY · 2025-03-13T07:58:08+00:00

Former sped student here, so I was in a similar situation. I had paras and peer tutors in my classes and I hated it. I felt singled out, embarrassed and the person with me felt like more a babysitter then someone there to help. I had to rebell and self-advocate. I was very strategic and I was able to negotiate with my Sped teacher to remove aides from my classes. Later in my junior year I ran for the student body and won becoming a member of the student council. So I was a popular special needs student.

I feel so bad for your situation, I have a lot of sympathy for you and I'm sorry that you had to go through this. I hope you're doing well in your life now.

NumerousAd79 · 2025-03-13T20:55:02+00:00

Yup, I’ve had tons of popular students with disabilities. I usually work in a typical classroom alongside a general education teacher. The students in my classes with IEPs can be your stereotypical kid with very clear needs, but they can also be your socially savvy, athletic, popular kid. Disabilities can impact anyone. You can’t tell someone is dyslexic or has well managed ADHD just by looking at them.

ggwing1992 · 2025-03-13T22:08:37+00:00

One of our most popular middle schoolers (with the kids and staff) has a 1 on 1 para. We call him school supervisor as he knows everything about everybody and we’ve all seen the growth as he’s been here since 1st currently in 7th. He is a great kid, can be extremely volatile.

FoodNo672 · 2025-03-14T01:06:37+00:00

I swear the most popular 5th graders at my school have special needs and are in an ICT room—they yap about their services and their IEPs. And while none of them have paras (despite some of them benefiting from that kind of support), they love it when a teacher or aide sits with them and pays attention to them. There are so many gen Ed kids who worship the ground they walk on. Literally the most popular boys and girls receive extensive testing accommodations and the others seem to think it’s really cool lol. Pretty sure it’s only a handful of the nerdier kids who are aware of what all that really means and can be critical of their intelligence at times (unfairly). But even they also crush on those same kids so 🤷🏻‍♀️

In response to your situation - I promise you, you were overthinking it. Being popular doesn’t work like that. 80% of popularity is pure confidence.

lilygirl112 · 2025-03-16T02:43:00+00:00

My (26F) and my brother (29M) are both neurodivergent. Despite being on an IEP I mostly had speech and academic supports. I was able to be in gen Ed classes with no para because I didn’t have behavior issues. My brother is more severe, had more behaviors and a para in middle school (same as you).

Despite my brother being in special Ed, he was overall more popular than me when we were younger. We both were pretty involved in school. We both did theater and track. He was involved in school newspaper and I also had done cheer and choir/band. I had more friends but he was somehow more well known and I was “N’s sister”. This could also stem from me being younger but of course this still annoyed me at 13.

We moved to a different state when he was going to be a senior and me a freshman. I am the more known sibling on our town now because I had more years of high school. But my brother likes to walk around and people always say hi and high five and stuff.

That all being said, special needs kids can be popular if they don’t have violent behaviors and they put themselves out there like everyone else. And I think it’s fine to think about things that happened in the past. I think about the past a lot too but I also learned to be in the present and the future. Thinking about the past too much is not healthy but it’s totally ok to wonder about stuff. I am a teacher and I think about the difference in schools now vs when I was in school. I will say I am thrilled about schools becoming more inclusive and integrating kids in as much regular Ed as possible (in IEPs this is called Least Restrictive Environment).

BIG YES BOMB!!!!!

Tuesday, March 11, 2025

Is there, or has there ever been such a person as a "'popular' special needs student?"

Is there, or has there ever been such a person as a "'popular' special needs student?"

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