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walang-buhay · 2025-01-25T07:46:32+00:00

If you’re asking this question because you think it’ll be easier to get a partner this way then please bare in mind that autism is a spectrum.

Limiting yourself to a specific group of people isn’t healthy either. Especially when those groups are based on ethnicity and disability.

2025-01-25T08:01:58+00:00

Turned out fantastically. We didn’t know we were autistic at the time, we clicked straight away. We are soul mates, been together for 8 years.

kingjamesporn · 2025-01-25T07:49:13+00:00

I'm married to a wonderful NT, but my undiagnosed days were mostly spent dating women who, through my lens now, I would assume were also autistic. I actually think a lot of the biggest conflicts could have been solved by simple communication if we weren't trying so hard to adhere to NT standards.

2025-01-25T08:49:09+00:00

I don't know. I feel like my autism (and everything else) makes it difficult for me to really succeed in any relationship. Or at least having one peacefully. It doesn't matter if my partner is allistic or not.

Overall_Future1087 · 2025-01-25T07:42:07+00:00

What research will this be for?

Jaffico · 2025-01-25T09:19:14+00:00

My partner and I are both autistic, we've been together four years.

I'm guessing that you're asking because you want to know if it's "easier" than dating an NT?

It's not really easier. There are some specific things that are easier, like no one has to hide their stimming, it's easier to communicate things like sensory needs or being overstimulated. Things that a lot of autistic people experience daily require less explanation and are met with more tangible understanding.

Those things though are counter balanced by things like functional abilities. Like if we're both having a rough time, things like chores can't get done. If we're both fixated on something, then again things just don't get done. Basically, hitting a burn out or hitting a fixation at the same time is disastrous for our household in a way that it isn't for an NT and ND relationship. We've personally gotten to a point of understanding/acceptance with this, but that's us. That won't happen with everyone.

So, from a "how well do we understand/accept each other's challenges" perspective I feel less alone and like it's a little better, but when we do have challenges either with life or with our relationship they are harder and take longer to over come.

As someone else said, ASD is a spectrum disorder, so you can't really judge what it will look like for you because we're different from you and the person you're considering dating. It will look different, and there will still be challenges, they'll just be different from some of the ones you face in a relationship with an NT.

Ngodrup · 2025-01-25T09:57:05+00:00

I'm dating another autistic, I know a lot of other couples where both are autistic, and/or where one is autistic and one has adhd. There's couples where both are autistic on Love on the Spectrum. I don't know why you don't hear about it but it definitely happens. Maybe you just don't know the right people/are looking in the wrong places.

But I think it's worth mentioning that personally I don't talk about dating another autistic person a lot, because "they also have autism" isn't the main characteristic of my partner, and also because I'm busy dating them rather than talking publicly about my experience of dating them

UncleVolk · 2025-01-25T10:43:24+00:00

I don't know, personally I've never met an autistic girl as far as I know, it's hard for them to get a diagnosis and even if they get one they won't just disclose it to the first guy they encounter. Dating NTs didn't well too well honestly, my over explanations, need for clarifying misunderstandings, and lack of proper body language caused many unnecessary arguments.

PralineAltruistic426 · 2025-01-25T10:59:01+00:00

My wife’s flavour of autism is very different to mine. I don’t think it helps particularly, other than we recognise the legitimacy of relationship struggles where it’s obviously based on autistic differences. But it still causes the normal challenges in the heat of the moment.

need2getout · 2025-01-25T11:45:14+00:00

It happens but there just isn’t an easy way for us to meet and the ratios are off it’s not 1 for 1. I would like to date but I don’t think it’s an option for me.

lingzhui · 2025-01-25T12:07:30+00:00

I'm not sure, but I suspect my first (and last lol rip my love life) boyfriend was on the spectrum too

It was nice, we just clicked with each other. And we moved on from each other equally as naturally (and peacefully)

Efficient-Cry-2814 · 2025-01-25T12:20:38+00:00

my husband is diagnosed ADHD, but after my ASD diagnosis & learning so much about autism we think it’s probably more AuDHD. we’ve been together for 14 years.

i’d be lying if i didn’t say that i think a lot of our challenges have been due to us both being ND. i struggle to identify and express emotions sometimes, and when i get really upset i tend to shut down and go nonverbal. i think this makes disagreements worse in some cases because it seems like i’m stonewalling or giving the silent treatment when i’m actually just struggling. we also sometimes have fights because we can’t always read or understand the other person’s actions. i also think there are times when accommodating the other person puts us in a spot of dysregulation or overwhelm, making everything worse for ourselves.

that being said - our relationship is wonderful. he’s my best friend, and we’ve built an amazing life together. and with diagnosis, education, and open communication we’ve been able to pinpoint where there’s difficulties in the relationship and work together to find solutions that work for us.

Invisible-Pi · 2025-01-25T13:15:58+00:00

Eh, relationships are work, consistent hard work. The flavor of brain doesn't change that necessary work. Autism is way to variable to think this will make two together like peas in a pod. So what you have to work at in the relationship will change with each person, so choose your hard work wisely.

Compulsive_Hobbyist · 2025-01-25T13:44:54+00:00

This doesn't directly answer your question , but I think is still relevant:

I'm AuDHD, and my wife is verly likely ADHD, but a very driven, type-A flavor of ADHD. This leads to friction at times, especially if I'm in burnout / "no spoons" / PDA mode. But the fact that she's clearly neurodivergent in her own way does mean that we have always "clicked" in a way that I've had trouble doing with NT people. And the fact that she's likely allistic means that she's not subject to the same kinds of autistic burnouts, etc, as I am.

I'm sure I would have some difficulties in any personal relationship, even if I met an AuDHDer like me, but at least in my case I think having an ND partner helps. I guess my point is that mixed neurodiverse relationships aren't uncommon, and you don't have to just think in terms of autistic vs allistic.

Naughty_Bawdy_Autie · 2025-01-25T14:28:32+00:00

I've been with my partner for 13 years. We're both on the spectrum.

It can be hard, say for example when we both need respite but can't both stop at the same time. But it can also be rewarding because we understand each other much better, I know how she feels when she burns out and vice versa, etc.

siffbxtch · 2025-01-25T21:22:57+00:00

We both got diagnosed separately when we were already together a good few years. And we are both like "ah but it makes so much sense 😂" We are definitely very different in our 'flavours' (no other way to put it), but we have always had a very good understanding of each other and acceptance for who the other is, 'flaws' and all. Since our diagnoses, we have gotten even better at supporting each other.

A NT probably would have gotten fed up with how I am, and left a long time ago or vice versa, who knows? My narrow view of NT relationships (based solely on what I hear from people throughout life and watching 'reality' TV shows) is that they break up because they have changed as people and grown apart, or one partner is requesting the other to change a bad habit or something changeable about themselves and the partner is not making the change for whatever reason.

I wouldn't say we haven't grown as people, my partner and I, but we are quite happy with things staying a calm constant and the same. 10 years strong this year 💪🏻

2025-01-25T09:32:54+00:00

i dont want to date a NT person 😭

BIG YES BOMB!!!!!

Saturday, January 25, 2025

Why don't I ever hear of autistics dating other autistics?

Why don't I ever hear of autistics dating other autistics?

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