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r/AskParents•6 mo. ago

TheresJustNoMoney

What is the best way to calm a child down who is throwing a fit about losing something that they can't get back? (See this gem from Twitter/X.)

She threw a fit about not getting to see her poop before Grandma flushed it down for her. She desperately wants it back so she can finally see it, but can't get it back.

 So what's the best way to calm a small child down about something they lost that they want back but can't get back?

Did this sorta incident happen with your kids? What strategy did you utilize to calm your child(ren) down about something they can't get back, that actually worked?

 

 

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[–]Meerkatable 8 points 5 months ago 

We acknowledge the feeling (maybe apologize in this case, I guess?) then we let them have their tantrum. We try to redirect to an activity. We don’t comment on the behavior of tantrumming. We stay nearby, don’t make eye contact, don’t try to talk her through it, but occasionally suggest another activity or ask if she wants a hug or water. The trick is that you can’t reinforce the tantrum by reacting to it. She’s allowed to be upset and she’s allowed to seek comfort, but if you react to the tantrum, you’re showing that tantrums are effective for getting attention/special treats/etc.

Of course, if she starts hurting herself or others, we move her. And this is “best practice”, which isn’t always practical. Sometimes she’s throwing a fit over putting on her shoes for school and I’ve got to get to work, and I’m not just going to sit that out. Or she’s in a store or restaurant - I’ll remove us both and let her have her tantrum elsewhere.

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[–]LogicalJudgement 3 points 5 months ago 

They need to cry it out. Poop is gone and hopefully not coming back (anyone who has had a toilet back up knows this horror). Loss is a challenge we all need to learn to deal with. Toddlers just need to learn how to get the emotions out and move on.

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[–]chernovkro 0 points 5 months ago 

Don’t give a crap (literally lol) go throw your fit I’m gonna go eat ice cream and watch law and order in my now free time 😂

Like I’m sorry but I don’t give in to my kids if they’re being ridiculous I don’t care how old or young, go pout, as long as they’re not hurting themselves or breaking expensive stuff (throw a toy at the wall as long as it’s under $20 see if I care) giving in or babying their behaviour doesn’t teach them anything.

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[–]chernovkro 0 points 5 months ago 

Last time my daughter had a fit was when she was 3. She’s almost 6 now. The lack of response she got from me taught her fast that cry and losing it won’t get her way. My son (just turned 3) hardly ever has fits shockingly, again probably cause he knows I don’t respond to it, with him for his age I’m shocked but he likes to bargain when he’s upset. Like I’ll say “no you can’t do that” and take something and he’ll be like well how about let me kind of do it and I won’t do it as badly okay?” 🤣

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