As Dillons is a chain of Kroger, I'm posting my new contrafactum here titled "A Ride To Dillons." First, will you please critique the lyrics? Second, will Dillons be okay with my using their name in this song?
...because if they're not okay with that, I could just easily change it to "Dylan's."
The story behind this song:
When my mooch of a friend stayed upstairs from me at his girlfriend's, he would all too often tap on my window and knock on the door for a lot of favors. He didn't have a job nor any government income except a food stamp card.
I would sleep in the daytime and work in the evening but despite making that abundantly clear to him, this sleazeball would keep interrupting my sleep so I could drive him to Dillons. It was 7-9 blocks from us so it was good exercise for anyone who didn't have a vehicle of their own.
I would at first ask him for compensation because I was tired and cranky, but he had nothing to give me, so I told him to either wait for me to get up naturally and be well-rested, or walk to Dillons himself.
He said he couldn't walk there because he has an injured knee from an old motorcycle accident. (I believe he's an alcoholic due to needing heavy liquor constantly to dull the pain, so he drinks vodka frequently.) As he wasn't making me any less tired, but just more cranky instead, I told him the US Marines quote: "Pain Is Weakness Leaving Your Body" in hopes that he would decide to try to get stronger by walking through the pain. He wouldn't budge despite my pleas to let me to back to sleep.
Later on, expecting him to ask for yet another ride to Dillons FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME, I was aroused from my sleep yet again, still pretty tired, then answered the door for him by saying "PLEASE don't ask me for a ride to Dillons!" He responded with "Will you please give me a ride to Dillons?"
That nagged on me so much, that I wrote a song about it to cope. Thankfully the landlady banned him from the complex because no freeloaders are allowed to live at our apartments with friends / romances / relatives for more than 2 weeks and his girlfriend never reported her guest like all tenants are supposed to when they stay for a little bit.
If anyone wants me to drive someone somewhere when I'm tired and prefer to be asleep, I expect to be compensated, sorta like how Uber and Lyft drivers are. I'm not someone's charity taxi service who's supposed to be at every beck-and-call all the danged time. On the flip side, if I'm wide awake, depending on my mood, I might be okay with giving someone a charity lift.
The Son of WAY parody writing idea #847: "A Ride To Dillons"
Parody of "God Blessed Texas"
Instrumental of "God Bless Texas" - try to simg my lyrics to this tune!: https://youtu.be/3jzvUhC926I
Original lyrics are in unmodified font
Parody Lyrics are italicized
I've seen a lot of places, I've been around the world
I knew a friend named Brian, he lived upstairs from me.
I've seen some pretty faces, been with some beautiful girls
He mooched off of a girlfriend, and he lived with her for free,
After all I've witnessed, one thing still amazes me
And he's an alcoholic, and he smokes a pack a day,
Just like a miracle, you have to see to believe
And he tries to be my friend, just so he'll mooch off of me.
'Cause God blessed Texas with His own hand
A ride to Dillons is what he wants,
Brought down angels from the Promised Land
A lil' too often is what I thought.
He gave them a place where they could dance
See, he has no car, and nor does she.
If you wanna see Heaven, brother, here's your chance
Can't walk far on his bum knee, then assumes that I'm free.
I've been sent to spread the message
Please don't ask me for a ride to Dillons.
'God blessed Texas'
"Will you please give me a ride to Dillons?"
First He lit the sunshine, then He made the water deep
I snoozed in the daytime; I really preferred my sleep,
Then He gave us moonlight for all the world to see
But Brian tapped my window, so from bed I leaped.
Well, everybody knows that the Lord works in mysterious ways
Told him what The Marines say - "Pain Is Weakness Leaving Your Body."
He took a rest, then on the very next day
As in he could still walk, it's not karate.
God blessed Texas with His own hand
A ride to Dillons is what he wants,
Brought down angels from the Promised Land
A lil' too often is what I thought.
Gave them a place where they could dance
See, he has no car, and nor does she.
If you wanna see Heaven, brother, here's your chance
Can't walk far on his bum knee, then assumes that I'm free.
Well, I've been sent to spread the message
Please don't ask me for a ride to Dillons.
'God blessed Texas'
"Will you please give me a ride to Dillons?"
God blessed Texas with His own hand
A ride to Dillons is what he wants,
Brought down angels from the Promised Land
A lil' too often is what I thought.
He gave them a place where they could dance
See, he has no car, and nor does she.
If you wanna see Heaven, brother, here's your chance
Can't walk far on his bum knee, then assumes that I'm free.
I've been sent to spread the message
Please don't ask me for a ride to Dillons.
'God blessed Texas'
"Will you please give me a ride to Dillons?"
Well, I've been sent to spread the message
Please don't ask me for a ride to Dillons.
'God blessed Texas'
"Will you please give me a ride to Dillons?"
Well, I've been sent to spread the message
Please don't ask me for a ride to Dillons.
Hmm, 'God blessed Texas'
"Will you please give me a ride to Dillons?"
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