Instructor: Rachel Santine
Journal Entry: Conflict - Stonewalling
Stonewalling is putting up a figurative barrier that stands in the way of conflict resolution,
and has happened pretty often since childhood,
although it doesn’t happen as often as it used to.
In those days, if I ask “What have I done wrong” or “how have I offended you,”
they might tell me to shut up or give answers that obviously is neither helpful nor constructive,
nor the real reason why there is a conflict in the first place (example: “You were born.”)
I have since learned to find answers from mutual friends or grown-ups who work with those kids,
in the days when we were children.
Later on, when Jacob and Emily E. took me off of their friends list on Facebook back in about 2009,
I later met up with Jacob at a sibling’s wedding reception.
When I asked him what I did to have them take me off,
he told me “don’t worry about it.”
He was stonewalling me - denying me the opportunity to explain myself and my side of the situation;
a chance to refute.
Although I may later ask his sisters what they know about why Jacob and Emily took me off,
I later surmised that it was because of a silly and short-sighted post I made onto the
Facebook newsfeed about Tyler “C.J.” J. and chocolate milk.
Everyone was less mature in 2009,
save for those who later got dementia;
we have since progressed in our emotional and social intelligence
(while those with dementia regressed in the other direction)
so I have definitely learned a ton of lessons since then.
That situation with J&EE was the last real-life stonewalling situation I can remember.
It has taught me how to use networking to my advantage -
find friends and relatives we both know and find answers from them,
if the former friends stonewall me from getting answers from them directly.
Also, backtracking my actions can help in figuring out answers that stonewallers would otherwise deny me.