Found cheaper Collagen... (& about self-confidence w/ or w/o it) (Personal Entry)

Foreword

This note is something to get off my chest. If I needed to unwind and bring my thoughts into the open through a note, I'll usually do it by explaining a lot. I rarely post short notes anymore. Some will really read it all the way through (like Chris Karraker here,) while others will probably not care for it unless it's short, sweet, and to the point.

If I'm posting to get something off my chest, I'll not have much regard to how long, exciting, and organized the note is. (Sometimes I'll still organize it anyway.) What's not exciting to some is exciting to others so "exciting" is subjective. On the other hand, if I post for a different reason, chances are, the note will be arranged and put together differently.

Note

I went to a basement shop in Sumiyoshi's shopping mall with the roofed over streets, and there I found a cheaper version of Fracora. I was rash to think I was even considering buying that, at ¥420 per 50ml bottle!

This product I found is made by Lotte, and not only does it have 10000mg (10g) of Collagen, it also has 1000mg (1g) of Vitamin C. A bundle of six 200ml bottles sells for 980 yen. That is ¥163.33 per bottle.

Of course the collagen isn't as dense in these Lotte bottles since they're exactly 4x bigger, but let's consider the ¥ per milligrams of Collagen. In a bottle of Fracora, that's 23.81 milligrams of Collagen per Yen. In contrast, a bottle of Lotte's collagen drink has 61.22 milligrams of Collagen per Yen.

Can you imagine that I would've spent ¥4200 yen for 100g of Collagen?? Whereas for the same amount of that youth-giving substance in Lotte's drink, I spent just ¥1633.33! That's just 38.88% of Fracora's price. What a great deal! It feels like the Bargain of the Decade if you ask me.

At least the bigger bottles will contribute to quenching my thirst longer than the Fracora bottles would have. More beneficially, they're plastic so they're not as fragile as the glass Fracora bottles would've been. Imagine stuffing them in my bag and having to deal with the mess later. Unlikely with these plastic bottles.

For some time, I decided to abandon that Collagen Quest, thinking any bottle of it would've been too expensive. Some classmates told me that self-confidence is the better key to many wonderful things than looking younger.

I remain on that quest of self-confidence as vigilantly as before, もちろん (of course.) It ought to be okay to quest after self-confidence and looking younger at the same time. Is it really not?

When I found a more generic Collagen drink for a much lower price, this opportunity was too irresistible to pass up. I had to try it and see if anything would happen. After 16 Lotte bottles over the past week (of the 18 that I bought), right now, I'm "between" noticing and not noticing a change in appearance. I think, "Does my face look more radiant now, or does its radiance just fluctuate like that all the time? I didn't notice before but then again, I don't notice plenty of small details until I look for them."

Perhaps Collagen doesn't have much effect on people my age? Of course I expected diminished effect, since I'm still college aged, and therefore to eventually look 8 years younger, which is all I wanted, but so far, the expected effects appear to be less than I even thought.

Or they'll just take longer than I expect? Some medicines and nutritional supplements do take a long time to take effect so collagen may too.

Now back to the thoughts about some friends' responses on my last note- One of them said that Self-Confidence means still feeling good about oneself despite others' opinions. Not letting other people's let-downs, insults, discouragements, put-downs, etc. make you think you're inadequate somehow.

It's easier to still feel good about yourself when you get some let-downs thrown your way, but what happens when too many of these have hammered you in the past??? That self-confidence erodes, don't you think? How does one expect self-confidence to strengthen in the face of abundant negativity towards them?

Chris K. also told me about how the kids in Karate are supposed to yell hard when "kiyapping" which helps reinforce self-confidence. Now I know I should've never dropped Karate in 6th Grade. Thanks to Chris's wise words, I may consider participating in the Aikido club (similar to Karate) when I return to K-State. Let us hope they have us yell the same way. As soon as I learn of anything that builds self-confidence, I'll certainly consider it.

Even though I'll not need collagen as much as self-confidence (when it comes to social issues anyway,) when I consider the physical issues, that's a bonus to your health. I read that it softens your blood, and bolsters the health of other vital parts of your body. Therefore, I'll still drink more of it, though more for (if "if only for" doesn't sound right) that. For more details, read http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collagen .

I ought to "hit the sack" now. If you managed to read it all, I don't know what to say other than "More Power To You?"

My current position on telling my age (Personal Entry)

Expectations of People of Certain Ages

Since sometime last year, I've hesitated more & more about giving out my age. I used to display my birth-year on my profile, but I've since removed that.

Something in my subconsciousness has been telling me that if I don't provide what other people expect of students my age, nothing good will come of it. Garrett only CONFIRMED this when he said:

"People have a set of expectations for you, and when those expectations aren't met, it's quite a crash."

How I may respond to age questions

If I refuse to tell my age, the types of people who get easily annoyed (read: Armstrong) say, "Wha... well you aren't--" (a woman)! I thought men also don't as they get older- when I was in middle school, I had a retiree as a substitute teacher one day and asked for his age. He said, "Information like that is none of your business." Later, I reckoned it's because he's too old to feel comfortable telling that anymore.

Maybe instead of outright refusing, what if I only say, "Call me "19," alright?" Or "Well, how old do I look?" Then the other person gives an estimate younger than my true age. (And so far, they always have. A good sign...) To that I say, "Then call me (guessed age). I'd like it that way."

Not to hide... some things, at least.

Garrett tells me not to hide things about me. Some things about ourselves are OK to reveal, but we all have our skeletons in our closets. We'd better not reveal everything about ourselves. Some things are certain to alienate!

Some skeletons in one's closet could be fetishes, unmentionable interests, and other things that are shameful to reveal in public. Some specific skeletons might be not having ever learned to ride a bike, still liking Pokemon (THAT skeleton need not be hidden in Japan!), having an interest in wearing (and designing?) women's fashion if you're a man, etc.

A minor skeleton of mine is that I have gray hair. You won't see it as of this typing because I get it dyed every so often. Alas, the presence of gray hair is one of those things that make me feel too old, of course.

But while staying in college...

I'm not ready to be my age yet. That's one of many reasons why I'm putting off graduation. It's hard to go back to college once you've left. You'll have a lot of debt to settle once you're out, and you'll miss doing the things you should've done in college, so I'd rather have a long way to go at this point.

While in classes, clubs, & anything else at K-State (and any college I'm studying abroad in), I feel some compelling to pretend to be younger than I truly am, because more students are around me are younger than me now. I dread the moment a teacher asks around class how old everyone is (typically done during the first days, when s/he wants us all to introduce each other.)

Now, I remember one horror story about being too old in a class. In a Public Speaking class in the Spring of '07, a 23-year-old classmate who returned from Iraq once told me that in his Psychology class, an 18-year-old girl sat next to him and one day, she asked how old he was, and when he said he was 23, she scooted away and didn't want to talk to him anymore, simply because he was 23. Understandably, he didn't take that too well. I certainly don't want that to happen to me!

More than that, if I do something impressive, remarkable, or whatever the appropriate adjective is of the right strength, in a class, and people think I'm older, then they'll not be so impressed of me because they'll expect things like that a little more of older people. But if I'm perceived as younger, then the opposite effect goes without saying. I'd feel pumped if that happens to me often enough.

Looking older thanks to a bodily frame

Garrett says I'm tall and muscular (that heavy backpack and secondary bag has been giving me quite a workout especially on these Nagasakian hills here!) so he says I look 20-something. So what? I've met 8th Graders who have been taller than me. I've met more muscular men in high school!

I got a 5-bladed vibrating razor that does a better job at cleaning out my face now. At first, it didn't seem to work because I would "pre-shave" with my old Mach III razor before using the vibrator (don't go off on a tangent here! I already know what you're thinking!) but after consulting online, someone there told me to only use the new razor. Having quite a close shave should shave some years off myself. I think the "Kid's Face" is something coveted nowadays. (No, "Baby Face" sounds too condescending IMHO.)

Treated better emotionally if one looks younger

You see, another big reason why I want to look younger is because if someone believes me to be an age younger than I truly am, they allow some leeway for mistakes, and will be kinder and gentler in correcting my actions. (I hope to learn from as many mistakes as I can only from observing others, not from my own mistakes, however.)

More than that, I'll be allowed more sympathy & compassion in general ; we know younger people generally get more of that. I don't seem to have had enough of it in my recent years. More cruelty has been happening probably mostly because I missed some of the social skills I was supposed to have learned by now.

Self-worth depends on whether someone younger or older is treating me a certain way.

You see, if someone older than you doesn't treat you with respect, you tend not to think so much about it because society programs you to expect older people to not always treat you right.

But if someone younger than me doesn't treat me right, and they KNOW I'm older, then you know how that makes me feel! I wouldn't want that. Yet another reason why I'd want them to assume that I'm younger than they are.

People who are younger than me tend to expect more from people my age, so it seems to help (or at least make me feel better and/or more comfortable) if they think I'm younger than them. I'm aware of certain expectations that I can't meet, so if they think I'm younger, those expectations vanish. (The important ones, anyway.)

A collagen product that could knock DECADES off!

And now, there's a product named "Fracora" that I saw an infomercial of at a hospital on Friday. Even though I couldn't understand most of the language, I still knew what it was about. This 50ml bottle had people looking younger thanks to 10000mg of collagen in each bottle.

Testimonies were all over the infomercial saying this product made people look as much as 25 years younger! The product's pitch-people would set up shop at random street corners and sidewalks and show passersby pictures of the product's users. For a 57-year-old, they guessed 32!

I saved the URL onto the phone, which is http://www.fracora.com and on the "Fracora 500" product selection page ( http://www.fracora.com/fracora/ ), you can get 10 bottles for ¥4200, or more at a time for higher percentage discounts.

Back on the front page, it also sells a "Collagen Bar," here: http://www.fracora.com/collagenbar/

I hope I can find these in stores! Some infomercial'ed items aren't sold in stores; some are. I now feel a compelling to get my hands on these anyway, because if a middle-aged woman can knock 25 years off, I can surely knock 8!

I might chug two of these a day and when I get to a point where I look in the mirror and say, "Oh, okay! Yeah, that ought to be young enough! Heh...," then I'll probably feel the most satisfied I've ever felt in a long time.

When the verbal results pour in...

After having enough Fracora, I hope to hear from strangers comments like,

"Hey! You look like you're still in high school! What are you doing here (at this college?) You're a real bright kid who skipped grades, aren't you??"

If anyone tells me that, (and don't read this and recite it the following morning; I'd like genuine comments only, thank you.) then that'll make my day so much I'll think that's the best anyone's ever made my day in a long time.

Then on that day, I may be more than happy to tell my age!

None of the "scrawny" screed...

A sister mentioned something about looking scrawny if I try to look younger than I do now. Nonsense; I already have a respectable amount of muscle & height. I don't expect the collagen to waste neither.

A student with my build and in the first half of high school may be assumed to be a football player and track athlete, not some scrawny basketball math geek. Often someone on the varsity football team has a respectable-looking body so I expect to still have such after taking the collagen.

Youth is an admirable quality, is it not? Isn't it possible that I may look more admirable if I look just a few years younger? (While still having the same body build?) I'll assume it is...

Update: After discussing with the host family about Fracora

Just before I retired to my bedroom just now, I brought my laptop into the living room to get Jun-san (the host father) to help me order some Fracora from the website above here. With his English good enough to get his points across in this situation, he basically told me that Fracora was a fake, and that my money was "mottainai" (もったいない - wasteful) in buying this product.

There were pictures of young-looking women whose ages were posted on the photos. (And yes, they looked quite a bit younger than the ages said.) Jun-san said that was "uso" (うそ - a lie)　or an exaggeration. He also got out his electronic pocket dictionary and looked up a word. The translation, "fraud," showed up on the screen.

I told him and Hiromi-san that I wanted Fracora because I looked (and felt) too old, so I wanted to look 8 years younger. Hiromi-san told me I'm like a teenage boy, and I loved that compliment so much. When I told her that was a compliment (or tried to say that I took it as a compliment), she said that was "oseji-nai" (おせじ - flattery) but rather, "honshin." (ほんしん - conscience; true intentions.) I don't know what she's driving at there.

Basically, Jun and Hiromi-san say I look and seem like a boy in his teenage years, and that's such a wonderful thing to hear, flattery or not. I'm glad they think that way, though others won't.

I guess I'll not order something online that costs ~$40.50 for ten bottles, but if I see this bottle sold in stores, I may buy one just to try one and see what happens, but that'll probably be about it.

However, Jun-san said he knew nothing from before about Fracora, so he probably just got his assumptions off of his intuitions. (Or he was merely discouraging me from buying this.) Therefore, the possibility remains (however small) that Fracora (or collagen, in other forms) may really make you look younger. I asked him what product is true if Fracora is false, and he said he didn't know.

This note above this last section was written last night, and this last section was added just now. I didn't submit right away because I had hesitations about submitting it to the public, but now that it's so long, who will read ALL of it anyway??? I'll not care how long my notes are as long as it's only to get something off my chest.

Now I KNOW I'm growing too old, too fast! (Personal entry)

The clouds of doubt have since parted. I'm not speculating this anymore.

The symptoms:

I. Hearing Issues

Here's what I can remember right now. I can't remember them all because of my recent memory failures which I'll cover next IF I REMEMBER TO.

1. Back in June, I picked up a hiking couple from Oklahoma trekking back home. I was on my way to drop them off in Wichita. When we entered the definitive northern side of Wichita, I thought he asked,
   
   "Is that a switch up top?"
   
   Confused about being asked of something incredibly obvious, I said, "Well... this is an in-cabin light switch." (to paraphrase, since I can't remember word-for-word now.)
   
   "No, I asked is that Wichita?"
   
   "OH! Yes, this is the northern part. I thought you asked, "Is that a switch up top?"" I lightened the mood at the moment; they thought that was funny.



2. There were many in between, I'm sure, but today at the Nagasaki GaiDai, I was watching "Twilight Samurai" and became curious about the unusually red cheeks. I wondered if they were make-up or natural, so I asked Sharon what was wrong with their cheeks. I thought she said,
   
   "Their cheeks are red- Mom and Son."
   
   That was Mom and DAUGHTER so I didn't know why she'd ever say that. I then told her, "Let me repeat what you just said: "Their cheeks are red- Mom and Son."
   
   "No, I said "Their cheeks are red from the sun.""
   
   "Oh! From the sun!"



3. I didn't remember the title that our teacher Hodson told us the other day in the Seminar movie class and I of course couldn't read the Kanji on the DVD cover (knowing only around 100 Kanji), so I asked Chris Karraker what the title of this movie was.
   
   "Toilet Samurai."
   
   That so didn't sound right. "I'm sorry, can you say that again?"
   
   He did, but it still didn't sound right, though less so than what I thought I heard first, so I was about to look it up on Wikipedia and before I started searching, uttered, "Toiling Samurai?"
   
   Sounding mildly annoyed, he then repeated, "Twilight Samurai." I then looked it up and found it on Wikipedia.
   

My fear of hearing the wrong thing and thinking it sounded right the first time when in fact it was vastly different from what someone really said, is growing!

I hope to find an English-speaking byōin (hospital) that'll give me a definitive hearing test. Hopefully they'll give me some kind of inexpensive treatment that'll keep me hearing good for years to come.

On the other hand, if I need a hearing aid, will the Japanese health insurance cover it? More than that, will having a hearing aid turn more women away and cause me to fit in less? Then again, someone may come along and say, "If a woman doesn't consider you just because you have a hearing issue that requires a hearing aid, you won't have wanted that woman in the first place."

I've witnessed a few others have the same kind of hearing problem too, but not consistently. During the Unzen trip, at the breakfast, Nicole Young said she's Protestant. (Or did she say she was Nondenominational? Another reason to cover my memory issue later.)

I then said, "I'm wavering between Denominational and Non." Kelcey didn't take it well, though I forgot what exactly she said.

"I said I'm wavering between Denominational and Non. What'd you think I said?"

"Oh! I thought you said "You should waver between Denominational and Non. That would've been very rude!"

"Oh no! I definitely didn't say that! Why would I? By the way, I think something from the Onsen last night is causing us not to hear things right."

She agreed, more or less. Alas, I no doubt have some pre-existing condition from before the April 18-19th Unzen trip. If my hearing issue has been happening more often since then, (and I'm starting to believe it has,) then I probably reacted worse to something in the Onsen than the others did. I don't recall anyone hearing me incorrectly since that trip.

I don't think I'll bathe in any sulfur onsens anymore. They smelled awful anyway. Any sentos and onsens with anything more pleasant than sulfur will suffice.

II. Eyesight

My eyesight has been fluctuating for a long time now. One time I may not see far clearly, other times I may. Some say glasses weaken your eye muscles, making you less sighted than when you started wearing them.

Others say that if your eyes have been weakening while wearing glasses, they were weakening all along and will keep doing so no matter whether you wear them or not. I have a feeling that those who say this just want eyeglass recipients to feel more comfortable wearing glasses more often.

Either way, it's well known that less acute eyesight is part of the aging process. I think my eyesight issue is still happening too fast in my humble opinion, even though others may say it's pretty slow. Much else about the eyesight issue goes without saying.

III. Memory Issues

Forgetting comparatively unforgettable things have been happening more often. Who knows? I may have even forgotten some grammar conventions here! (Let me know which and on what parts of the note.)

1. Back in May, we were preparing a Potluck dinner for Mizuno-sensei's retirement back home in Manhattan, KS.
   
   She was still in her early 40s, but her parents were growing elderly and senile and there were no siblings available to take care of them. Previously, she went to Japan every summer to take care of her parents but they needed her care more often.
   
   Moving to a nursing home or hiring a nanny would've cost too much in Japan. (Apparently their national health insurance wouldn't have covered any, or enough of it. Neither would their pension.)
   
   It would've been nice to have them move to Manhattan but they didn't know enough English and didn't have any friends in the area. (How easily can they make new friends though? That will probably remain a mystery.) But wait, if they had friends in Japan, why they couldn't help will probably remain a mystery too.
   
   I still miss Mizuno-sensei very much. The replacement head of the Japanese department (Kumiko Nakamura-sensei) isn't as easy and easygoing as Mizuno was.
   
   Back to the topic- I brought a stack of frozen hamburger patties but soon after arriving to the Pottorf Dining Hall at Cico Park, I realized I forgot the buns! (Also the ketchup, lettuce, and other toppings.) When you bring the patties, you bring the buns. That should've been obvious!
   
   I knew something was manipulating me from within. If this happened to a Baby Boomer, s/he'd know they may have Alzheimer's, so they may see a doctor as soon as they can. I'm not even 25 yet (and won't be for a good while,) so Alzheimer's at my age? Purely and utterly IMPOSSIBLE. (Or so I hope.)



2. Sometime in the Fall Semester, I was talking with someone when I left my apartment. Midway through my conversation, I realized I forgot my phone. I turned around and just as I was about to get my keys out to unlock the apartment door, I finished talking...
   
   ...On the phone. After hanging up and removing it from my right ear, I looked at it and realized, "Oh, c'mon! What's the matter with me now???" While in the middle of a phone call, I thought I forgot my phone back home only to realize I've been using it the whole time!
   
   I decided to visit the university's health center that day.
   
   Nowadays, I feel afraid that I may lose my wallet, my keitai (mobile phone), or other important things I carry all the time, any day now. I fear the day I get on the bus to see one of my important personal effects still sitting on the bench just after the bus door shuts!

Closing

I knew I had something to type for the closing, but now I forgot what. Memory failures keep happening at any moment, just like a random grim-reaping did in Sarajevo back in the '90s. Shells would fall on random places killing random Sarajevans at anytime, anyplace. My memory failures happen in a similar manner.

I used to take Ginkgo Biloba but got the feeling that they only slowed the onset of memory failure (and not reverse it), or didn't even effect anything at all. Some news article online said research suggests Ginkgo may not help anything at all.

If Japan is more highly advanced in many things than the US, the same may apply to medicine. Where can I find some nice memory supplements around here?

Oh well, at least if what I forgot ever comes back to me, I could always go back and re-edit this note.

Oh wait, I know now! I was going to talk about Progeria! It's a rare accelerated-aging disease. Victims rarely live past 16 years of age, with the oldest documented only living up to age 29.

I don't show any outward symptoms, maybe except for a few strands of gray hair if I don't have it dyed long enough, but inside of me some things age faster than normal. There is no such thing (officially) as "Latent Inward Progeria" but I seem to have that. Latent- This didn't kick in until my college years. The other words have already been covered and/or goes without saying.

I'd rather have "antigeria" (or a more accurate opposite term if there is one) because if I looked half the age I was now and got to live twice as long as the population, I think I'd love my life. Younger people have it easier (in many ways. We do in many ways too, but we have it harder in many more ways as well.) More than that, when I get to go to school for twice as long, I will no doubt get ahead of almost everybody else.

That should be all for now. Like I said, If a planned thought returns that I forgot, I'll just go back and edit the note.

Sleevehardy's priceless words... (Personal entry)

Long foreword

(Foreword: In some parts of the world, or even of the US, "priceless" might be synonymous with "worthless" but I hope you don't think that. What I mean is it's so precious a price isn't appropriate to tack on it.

And I still feel buzzed in the morning after a night on the town (firework show, hanging out at a bayside kouen, karaoke, etc.) so I might say more and/or say things differently than I usually do.)

REVISION ADDENDUM: Names have been changed in this entry. "Sleevehardy" is a compound surname whose synonyms match his real compound surname. Ronne is part of a name of another major ice shelf.

"You need to (screw) up a lot."

Ok? Now to start- I can't expect to remember all details from last night but Sleevehardy told me "to live and learn, you need to (screw) up a lot," and that he has, so he -was- on the same boat as me. For a long time, my mindset (or something like that, if "mindset" isn't accurate) was to avoid screwing up as often as possible. However, that causes me not to live, learn, and experience life so much. (Either Sleevehardy told me that last bit or I figured that out for myself. If the latter, hurray for me.)

Afraid of potentially making mistakes with lifelong ramification

I was afraid that if I screw up enough times, ONE of those screw ups would "impact me for the rest of my life." (When drunk, we might not be able to find the right words all the time, especially quickly when talking, but I meant to say, "result in lifetime consequences.") That's what I'm royally afraid of the most. I suppose the great fear of making a mistake resulting in a consequence for the rest of my life is why I tended to be careful more often.

Of course, the BIG ones just about go without saying - rob a bank and get a big & permanent criminal record. Knock up a random girl somewhere, (might be disgusting talk to some; sorry.) have an unplanned kid that you have to take care of for the next 18 years.

Smaller mistakes feel bigger to me. Some, anyway.

The "smaller" ones are considered smaller to most people, but for a long time, I thought they were a big deal. That would be things like, starting off on the wrong foot with a potential friend and therefore not having as good of a friendship as I would have if I hadn't made some mistake and/or said/done things differently.

Lifetime consequences from mistakes, moving on, etc.

Normally, I'm a sensitive person so something that doesn't faze others much might offend (unless I know whatever they say/do is a joke, a lighthearted thing, or otherwise not meant to offend.) So if I say/do something that results in what even -appears- to be a "relational rift" that'll last for the rest of my life, I may tend to regret that mistake more sorely than others, who may just move on since "there are so many fish in the sea."

I wouldn't have a problem moving on if I didn't have to see them again (like when someone moves somewhere else and won't return), but if I have to see them every day (even when just passing each other in the hallway between classes), I feel a compelling to set the wrongs right with that person, because simply seeing them reminds me of some unresolved... matters. ("issues" is now getting trite.) I keep feeling lower than I felt before if I happen by the person I haven't resolved things with because I know right then that I still have things to resolve with them (so in order to make both sides happy, of course.)

"Be Yourself" or act different just for some people?

I am told to "be yourself" but something in my sub-conscience has kept telling me for years to act different just to the people who don't like me for the way I am. Kiersten said that's bull(sith).

(N.B. I could say "bull(shine)" or "bull(scrap)" but a word that sounds like a lisp therefore sounds more kawaii so that's why I chose "bull(sith)." (Sith) happens but sometimes what doesn't go right may turn out to lighten the mood better than had it gone right! Like a lisp, for example. They're cute to listen to. But anyway, OFF THAT TANGENT & BACK TO THE TOPIC...)

When someone say "That's a difficult question" when I ask them what they think of the advice to "Be Yourself," either it really is (because I asked some Chinese nationals, so they may not quite grasp the question like Americans do), or they do understand and don't think I should be the way I am right now. Since it's either of the two, I won't know until someone authoritatively tells me.

Asking many questions ought to be more OK in a foreign land.

Now on the other hand, Sleevehardy and Ronne (or must I be consistent in my naming conventions and go with his surname too?) said I ask too many questions. Being in a rather foreign place, I thought it went without saying that Gaijin ask more questions than they do back home. Isn't it natural & OK to ask more about what's going on and all that jazz (wish I'd say "...all that J-Pop." Heh.) since it's harder to figure things out on our own, what with the language barrier, different norms, culture, and all?

But then again, they might have only been thinking of the questions the answers to which should've already been known to the typical American college student. (I can't think of examples right now of such questions that I asked, but if I asked such questions, shame on me then. I hope I didn't.) Regardless, I shouldn't rely on other people so much, is what they said. (At least now, when I'm in adult, even in unfamiliar situations such as being in Japan.)

Now it comes back to an age-old thought, and forgetting where I left off

So now that's another reason why I think I was born too early, and I've been covering my thoughts over being born too early on some of my other notes. I could go over more here, but I'd rather save my thoughts about this for a separate entry.

I knew I had more to say in this note that was related to the topic. When my host parents took me to an outing on April 26th at around noon, I was in the middle of typing this note. I would've had more but I had to stop before this last header. Even though I forget what else I was going to put, it may come back to me eventually, somehow.

Addendum from "What Does It Justice:" Endnote on Bluntness (Personal entry)

I did mean to mention this on my last note but it somehow slipped my mind. As long as someone is blunt while trying to be helpful, that's OK. (It helps if I'm made aware of this intention. Otherwise, I may not know if they're being blunt-but-helpful.)

Why I have long avoided blunt people back home was because I had to put up with blunt-and-hurtful people up until the end of high school. There were so many who were blunt-and-hurtful, I never thought to learn what the other kind of blunt (the helpful one) was like.

Back then, if someone was being blunt-but-helpful to me, I wouldn't assume anything better than that they were being too harsh, at least until I received their kinder side, then I might get a little confused but shrug it off. Occasionally I also learned sometime after that conversation that it was to help me in some way, but the bigger matter was I never got any warning beforehand so until I found out they were actually being helpful, you know how I felt.

Of course some teachers were pretty blunt, but in their bluntness they were being helpful too. However, I subconsciously thought that's just how teachers are, so I didn't quite think peers would be the same way; that they're either friendly or they're not.

Then came college. Thanks to a far greater diversity of students, I (naturally, of course) went to associate with the kinder kind of people. Oh, I'm sure the blunt-but-helpful guys also went to K-State, but I didn't choose to associate with them either because back then, I didn't differentiate between the hurtful and helpful blunt people as much as I do now.

Now that I hung out with the tactful peers most of the time, I only trained myself how to best intermingle with them, so while I advanced my social skills, you could say it was only with the kinds of people I hung out with most. I didn't quite prepare myself to take the heat from the blunter guys because the convenience was there- the convenience to simply hang out with the more tactful peers.

Then came my trip here. I was ill-prepared in some things (that I already covered, and some I haven't.) The tactful peers are now a minority, but Varner opened my eyes wider to the helpful blunt people. He did very well in that he warned me he was an up-front guy, in the helpful way.

If he hadn't, I would have reacted differently to him in some of the times that he spoke to me. I've met some other blunt people who are also being helpful, and thanks to his warning, I became aware on my own that they were being blunt-but-helpful too.

Armstrong and Wagner are some examples, because even though I could think of friendlier ways to bring the same point across, they've told me some helpful things. Although I'll have to be more careful about what to ask them and what-not, because some inquiries may drain their patience faster than others. (One night, they said I ask too many questions, but I had several drinks that night. I didn't seem to care how many and what questions I asked when drunk. I choose my questions more wisely when I'm sober.)

I can't count on people to warn that they're blunt while helpful, and Varner was the "exception to the rule," but now that I'm very much aware of this blunt helpfulness (or is the shorthand, "tough love," accurate?) I'll try to realize the best I can that someone's being helpful if they're blunt. If I can't tell whether it's hurtful or not, I'll probably run it by Garrett or people like him to have them analyze whether they were truly being hurtful, or helpful but understandably hard-to-tell.

If the other name for this is really "tough love," then I have heard of that expression, but probably haven't gotten enough of it myself firsthand, at least from other peers. Not at the magnitude I've been getting here, anyway.